ReDLiGhT

my thoughts are sporadic.. i act like im an addict !!

2006-11-04T08:09:00.000-08:00

Ok folks enough with the gay jokes
especially from a gay broke bitch yourself, did u say SMOKED ??
heres ur opinion, i dont give 2 squirts of piss
this aint tv but ill shw u what a fear factor is
your style is doo doo.
looks like your the first guy standing in the "Im-a-virgin" line
and whilst takin a piss, ray mysterio shouts "dude,urs shorter than mine "
Dawg, take a seat.
get urself something to eat.
Check this out yo yo.
This guy cashed his whole pay check and bought 1 ho ho.
Fucking homo little maggot.
You can’t even piss quick.
Elton's gay ... your a faggot.
At least he admits it. Don’t even risk it.
This guys starvin to death someone get him a biscuit!
This job you wanna quit but you can’t.
You’ve worked at this game so long ... your a plant.
Look at your goddam boots
for christ sakes they’re starting to grow roots.
On this mic you get faded.
You look like a pissed off rapper who never made it.
Hey why you fucking with kids Mr.gay guy G ?
when really your the one whos got the HIV.
Man I’m done with this clown he’s soft.
Fuck it ... I’ll go to ur girl and get her off.

what do i need ???

2006-10-24T09:19:00.000-07:00

I need time
Don't need heroin
nor alcohol nor nicotine
I don't need your help
Nor caffeine
I don't need a friend
Neither cocaine
I need neither a doctor
nor medicine
I don't need a woman
just Vaseline
I dont need no air
neither propylene
I have no use for the gun
my target is unseen
My rage spilling over
got some alkaline?
Maybe i need to sleep
blissful and pristine

L I F E
It flows through my veins
It leaks from my ears
Cranking up all our pains
It sleeps in my tears

" When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."
- ME

i-drive

2006-10-17T07:51:00.000-07:00

ever wondered..why is the sky a beautiful red ...what pisses u off most... why do u read loser blogs ?... everwondered.... What drives u.. i wondered..
Passion they say... passion fr wat ? fr whom.. cars.. speed.. work.. respect.. aah. respect.. the 7 letter word that makes the world go round for most of us..respect surely drives me.. the respect..earned out of hard work.. makin sacrifices..cutting sleep.. yea. THAT drives me..
Respect fr me in my own eyes.. my own head.. paramount..dont u think ?.. like fuck i care what u think..
Speed is another drug that drives me.. think the worlds a bit too slow fr me.. what i might do ..might be looked upon as going about something a bit too fast..
i say.. ur going a bit toooo slow..
the point of this blog is lost. . like the state of my mind.. now i dont even knw what im furiously typing.. maybe now just the sound of the tapping keys wants me to keep doint it faster.. n hope ot god.. it makes some semblance of sense..
whats my worst fear.. letting ppl down.. yea.. that.. breaking the trust.. fiath that htey show in me.. my friends.. my foes.. parents.. yea.. them.. parents.. i love em.. cant though get myself to say i love them.. idiotic it is... the ego.. yea.. kill it.. a murder that would save ur life..

" I'll be back baby, I just gotta beat this clock
fuck this clock, I'm-a make 'em eat this watch,
Don't believe me? Watch, I'm-a win this race,
and I'm-a come back and rub my shit in your face, bitch!
I found my niche, you gonna hear my voice,
'til you're sick of it, you ain't gonna have a choice,
if I gotta scream till I have half a lung,
if I have half a chance I'll grab it, Rabbit Run... "

When the music stops !!!

2006-10-09T10:35:00.000-07:00

The idea of the 'i' somehow..seems to fascinate and scare the shit out of me.. at the same time.. wierd though.. talking about myself comes naturally to me.. just like...well..putting my foot in my own mouth..
You see..i havent blogged for quite some time now.. why and how are immaterial questions.. but the fact remains.. i would require atleast a couple of posts on this stupid page to shake off the muck and the rust.. so folks bear with me.. or like hell.. get lost.. see the back button on top.. yea that green one.. its like ur eject button.. quite like your oxygen mask..if the (my) opinions here get too pungent for your liking...

have u had one of those days.. the clock seems to have a life of its own.. stopping at will.. whizzing pas at other times.. ever observed it..closely.. ever wondered the significance of the moving hand.. something that would never ever happen again.. that second.. those hours are gone.. yea gone.. done n dusted for eternity.. if only you could hold on to those clockhands are wrench it the other way.. hoping against hope to turn back time.. turn back time and do what.. what ?? make decisions.. take a second shot.. remake some others.. shun most.. and burn the rest..
The only thing that seems to swing now is the mood.. swinging that will put the pendulum to shame.. for the depths of despair..to even deeper shit.. the only light u see is the sunlight from the wrong site of the shit-pot. angry are u ? angry .. why ?? what ?? at whom ?? if u cant answer them.. thend dude.. ur one of us.. the not-a-clue anonymous.. big club..ours is.. you wouldnt beleive.. ya even if u didnt.. like i even cared.. ya bah !!
What coudl have been.. could have changed.. is quite like the other side of the moon.. no1 has a fuckin clue.. then again.. who cares abt the other side.. the flipside..what awaits us.. what could.. this is like that ? like the flipside ?? no1 cares ?? i dont blv it.. they do.. we all do.. just that we live in denial.. engineering makes u take the 'ignorance is bliss' shit... way too seriously....

so IGNORANCE IS BLISS.. let me go to hell.....

"if all the world's a stage.. then we all are horribly underprepared "

- Why do u care !!

Rock on a ROLL !

2006-06-23T14:09:00.001-07:00

They said music can alter moods and talk to you. Well im hooked to the violin of this nonchulant swiss band that call themselves APOCALYPTICA. They take pride in shoving norms of metal music deep up their critics' asses. Playin steel n speed metal, in short, metallica compositions with only 2 violins and a cello, its instrumental music touches my heart and the quality of the composition transcends the gory head banging of youth more high on drugs than on music to decipher the real motto of rock. now how many of us rock n music lovers knw in our heart of hearts what rock really stands for. fear not.. ill tell u... ROCK MUSIC SIMPLY WAS FORMED..in the words of jack black.. TO STICK IT TO THE 'MAN'.
This MAN who has been burning a hole in the ozone, Chopping wood in the amazon,killing tigers, poisoning our rivers, reducing sites of religious importance to mere real estate, screwing ur wife or ur gf when u aint around.
This man is the metaphor fr all things u dont like... hell more like all things u hate. this man could be your prof who raped u in his vivas, he could be the pandu who towed your car away. it could even be you, it was me when fr short spans of moronic insanity makes me hate myself. So i stick it to myself eh ? y not.STICK IT TO THE MAN.
The lightening and thunder outside is like a visual orgasm. Only a 7 inch concrete wall seperates it from being a frying pan. Its like natures way of tellin us "screwed wid me enough !!".. read the signs of natures fury.one day the signboard will be in ur face,MAN.

" Pay no mind to the distant thunder
Beauty fills his head with wonder...
Booooyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy !! yeah !!

Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of the tunnel is but a freight train coming ur way !"

Things that tell you... YOU ARE HAVINGA BAD DAY !

2006-06-22T10:49:00.000-07:00

While brushing your teeth in the morning, you find the taste in your mouth wierd.. and then it dawns on you, the brush was meant to clean bathroom crevices. NICE START
You take a big dump and decide to flush later and jump into the hot shower and after shampooing your hair the wise men of the BMC decide, enough is enough with the watersupply.Remember still havent flushed ( Am I grossing you out ? )
While driving to your workplace/college you are stuck in a jam that moves at infinitesimal pace,n the number plate of the car ahead reads " if you can read this, ill jam on the breaks n sue your ass ". to make it worse Himmesh Reshammiya is playing on all radio channels.
You discuss with your mates about hw big a F*** up your boss/prof is.You get into your flow n prefer to use the choicest of adjectives and realise your mates standing in silence, you turn around to realise why ...
If you had to go when you gotta go, in sheer desperation at the place meant for the fairer sex, and your favourite colleague/madam spots you zipping up while you try and stealthily avoid being recognised.
You receive your cell phone bill, you realise that people who borrowed your cell saying " ek second dena " knew bloody well how to activate int/national roaming,gprs n wat not.
You love your mates even more when they swap your mom's number with your gals/guys number and when they call you go " hey sweety..er .. MOM ?!?!?!?! "
You want to drive back, but u cant, why ? coz ur car is towed away coz yesterday was 31st n today was 1st.. 2 odd days in a row..( difficult for us drivers to keep track eh !)
On the way back Pandu catches you without your Seatbelt and all you have is a 500 buck note coz you spent the last 50 bucks on eating bhel puri ... ( sutte aahet ka saaheb ?? ) YEA RITE
This one is for those married buggers, when you have to sign fr a package meant fr your wife, but you cant figure out wat it is.. but all you can hear is a slight buzzing sound when you touch it.( wonder wat it could be ..BUZZZZZZZzzzZZZZZZzzzz)

In- nocence or telligence ! ? !

2006-06-10T12:26:00.000-07:00

its funny... i have been waiting for this day.. fr so long. but it has come and gone like the other 364. ITwas the day of freedom, of liberty from the clutches of varsity syllabi.. but it had mundane written all over it. I feel no euphoria.. no sense of survival.. all i feel is exhaustion. My legs no longer want to haul my fatass all around, my back n i have an abusive marriage of sorts and my mind is now as tired as the chick who did the houston-620. but yeah.. im here to jus let my thots roll.. and hopefully the juggernaut will sweep u away.

Why is it that u feel the most fuckd up.. when u have nothing to do.. probably.. the armour of the routine doesnt cover ur ass anymore.It feels funny to look at the stack of books in my room.. and think... " holy mother of god.. have i read through all of them ". Two years ago, id have not even opened the book if it were more than 250 pages. But thats hw it is now.. u Have to do wat u HAVE to do. coming to the point of this blog..

How has your/my life changed ?.. Better still how has LIFE changed us ?
this is a tricky question coz no1 really has the balls to admit that they are no longer the sweet school going kid who is adored by their parents, teachers,neighbors, blah blah..
U are no longer the apple of any1's eyes.. ud do well to even make " an eyesore " of some1s eyes.
Life has changedme in more ways than that could be explored by means of a tired man writing a tired blog, more so in the last three four years.
It is only normal that you get smarter as you get older. you get an idea of how " stuff " works. But it also teaches u to outthink and outwit most others. It may be fr good or fr bad, but it makes u say somethings that u regret later when in a melancholistic reminisce. You wish you hadnt said something wise crack.. or atleast not phrased it like hw it was meant to sound. I wouldnt know abt ull but, LIFE is a bitch of a teacher.. probably like that math teachin bloodsucking bitch that taught u tables frm 1 thru 20 in STD 2. But now the difference is that she wouldnt be satisfied with your parents signature on your "calendar/diary".. this bitch will only stop when ur dead. coz life is a lesson, u learn it when u are through... this abstractness of a changing life is very hard to put down in words. But a friend of mine did those wid four words spread over two lines. when i first heard em, it hit me, and boom...

" Innocence stays,intelligence lost,
Intelligence stays,innocence frost."
- Priya 'uniquely psychotic/fun ' Mani

of love,spoons and a stretch of freeway !!

2006-06-03T10:26:00.000-07:00

Dive within.. the implosion that will follow will only cement any cracks that the ego may have suffered. look inside coz there is only one truth. " there is no spoon ". so i read a million blogs about love and life in la-la-land. hell its just fantastic that hw something so subjective, so personal is so over hyped to be made to sound cliched.. almost overrated. So why the hell do i care ? actually i dont.. but come to think of it.. the feeling of love is as abstract as they come. U possibly cannot point ur finger at somethin and say that it defines wat love is. it maybe is a culmination of ideas and thots that we never beleived existed within us. so does love cloud ur judgement and make u act differently in certain situations. maybe .. maybe not.
have been in love or not.. i dunno.. i m as confused as u wud be by the end of this blog.. but surely wudnt consider myself as one of those unlucky-in-love type losers who only fnd an excuse to explain hw/why they are losers ? sorry if i sound prejudiced against all those jilted lovers. but instead of screwing around and not knowing wat hit yu, u do the next best thing. DIVE INSIDE. take 5 mins off and think.. wat is love to u ?? who is speacial to you ? why is he/she special ? what the hell is is the matter then ? can u fix it ? if yes then do it u idiot..if not then" go easy on the gas " as they say. maybe one day u ll hit a free stretch of highway. that will be god's way of tellin ya to...go ahead and dip ur feet in the stream of love and jam hard on the gas pedal and see the world zoom by you on that highway. GOOD GOD our father in heaven.. " where is my stretch of highway ".. till then i walk on. THY KINGDOM COMETH.

" Buckle your seatbelts dorothy.. coz Kansas' goin bye bye "
- The matrix.

fuck#@# wid faith !!!

2006-06-03T10:24:00.000-07:00

This empty windows scares me.. it reminds me of the emptiness that has exhumed every thing in and around me. why is it that bizzare thoughts come into our heads when we least expect them. probably there is some1 upstars who smiling at us and telling us in a language that we are familiar with " think ive fucked u enough..not quite.. take that ..". U never quite know whos team Gods' on. probably it is this beauty of divinity that elevates the surreal from the mundane.then why do we still trust in his vision, his plans for us.. for he does not play dice. Its quite like watching a wierd movie.. u wudnt get the first half hour.. u think that the director has lost his marbles and wonder why the fuck did u ever pay to watch it.. but then u hang around.. figure it out and its not long before all the loose ends are tied up.. every jigsaw falls into place.. every question answered. what if u had left halfway. what if ud have lost faith.Im writing this at that part of the movie.. when everything is goin hay wire..nothings makin sense.. in an empty cinema hall...with nothing but my own fears,doubts,frustration whizzing before my eyes. but we have ALL PAID FOR THIS RIDE.. so y not hang on till the ride is over.. y not make sense out ofthis MOVIE..for it is always the darkest in the seconds before dawn. no matter hw far that freeway seemed, one dayTHOU SHALT BE DONE... till then..ill munch away at the popkorn..i wait for some1 to occupy the seat next to mine..i ll keep the faith..

" for he who does not have faith..is a pauper in thy kingdom "

life or something like it !

2006-06-03T10:17:00.000-07:00

Forest Gump's mammah told him that "life is a box of chocolates..ull never know what flavor ull get the next time".. my mammah told me "study u worthless piece of 19 yr old blolb " but we dont want to go there. After a series of dark blogs, i had promised myself that ill write something cheerful, something that will put a smile on ur faces and a thinking cap on your heads. has there ever been a moment in your life when u have felt 'alive'.. true its the most cliched thing that one may be asked.. but ask urself again.. just this once.. when was the last time you ever felt ALIVE.. like your life had some meaning some relevance in tha larger scheme of things.. when was the last time u felt that IF U DIED HERE n NOW.. some1 somewhere will shed a drop of tear..in ur remembrance... i did promise myself a happy blog.. so let me tell you the last time i felt gods might... it was a lazy tuesday afternoon.. say 4 30..off the coast of Cairns, Australia...where we were diving into the pacific ocean... that was my box of chocolates and i hoped with all my faith that i wouldnt be left with something that tasted like horse-feed.. it was anything but.. the moment u dive into the ocean.. your life changes.. changes in that split second where you fumble to adapt to breathing underwater.. but that is what one lives for..the peace,tranquility and no distractions.. No ringing of phone.. no nudging of messengers.. no1 to tell u wat 2 do.. all u can hear is ur own heart beat.. its sound is inroxicating.. prolly the reason why i ever felt alive for those 100 mins in the ocean.. the sound is magical... its like an orgasm (after sex with a real person..u wierdos)..no1 can feel that sound.. unless u have been-there-done-that.. silly attempts with a docs sthetescopes would be analogous to poor attempts at masturbation ( yes im wierd too )...staying on the topic... they say writing is like creative masturbation.. so my mates.. im done.. i gotta wash up now !!!

Pouring into a pensieve

2006-06-03T10:12:00.000-07:00

“That's why we seize the moment, try to freeze it and own it, squeeze it and
hold it
Cause we consider these minutes golden
And maybe they'll admit it when we're gone
Just let our spirits live on, through our lyrics that you hear in our
songs and we can…”

How many times have you asked yourself.."what was i thinking ? ".. and how many times do you recall exactly what you are thinking... so i decided to come here and pour all my thoughts into the penseive they call a 'blog'... much of it wont make sense.. probably its not meant to..it is best that it doesnt make any sense. Sneak peak into my head ... " power amplifiers, joga bonito, depression, rammstein, lonliness, she, sleep, tirednesss, backache,thoughts of what could-have-been, arrogance, flywheel effect, my helplessness, pain of a bleeding foot, ipod format, football, my friends, what-could-have-been, her again, this blog, why this blog ? , differential amplifiers, a chilled glass of fruit juice, vacation, surfing, a 30 yard volley into the top corner, failure?, rosenrot, benzin, am - i - me -or-some1else ?, how have i changed, have i changed at all?, paradoxical me, feuer frei, retribution, the cloudy skies and a lone bird soaring carelessly, no i havent changed, chinese proverbs, is HE testing me ?, bring it on, Signals and systems,beaches,blue,i somehow manged to get her out of my mind, its not meant to be, manchester united transfers, class C operation, opportunist?, self- ish or -less ?, should i give a fuck anymore ?, why me, mein herz brennt, fuck arjun singh, gimme a break....I NEED A BREAK !!! ".... and thats just my left hemisphere.. u dont wana hear my filthy right hemisphere's thoughts, i just now made a promise to myself, yea im done so would u mind fckin off ?.... Srinivas Radhakrishnan - OUT ( May 20,2006 3 : 01 pm)

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. "
- Mark Twain.